10 things that make me angry

10 Things That Make Me Angry

1. People who complain about things and do nothing to change them. Example: “I’m so fat!” and then eat out for every meal and NEVER exercise. 

2. Slutty, slutty girls. Listen friends, I’m not innocent by any means. But putting out on the first date, no class. NONE!

3. Assumptions. I know we’re all guilty of this including me. But people assuming that just because I go to hair school automatically makes me lazy and stupid. Jerks.

4. Not being allowed to be pretty and nerdy. Not even gonna explain this one.

5. STUPID PEOPLE WHO CHANGE BASED ON WHO THEY ARE DATING. No, this is not directed at any one couple, it’s directed at many. So don’t be offended. This may be about you, but not you alone. 

6. Couples who have to constantly be touching each other. I’m all for PDA whatever man, do what you want, but come on! Can you not last 5 seconds without some form of physical contact. 

7. Missionaries who follow the rules and only e-mail their family. I know it makes him a great guy and all but do you know how frustrating it is to wait a month for a letter????

8. Fitting a mold. I’m me. Okay? yes I am a hair stylist who takes a long time to get ready, and wont go out without make up, and cares deeply about what I look like, and yes I do enjoy reading comics, watching cartoons, and playing video games, oh but wait, I also enjoy cheesy overly dramatic tv shows about pregnant teenagers. Someone make a t-shirt for that ish. 

9. Feeling like I have to change who I am for a guy to like me. Not. Going. To. Happen. 

10. People who talk to everyone else but you about their issue with you. Really? REALLY?!

and those are the 10 things that are the current bane of my existence

Tear Stained Memories

To start this I’m terrible at writing poems, but here we go. 

Tear stained memories, 

the feelings you feel when you fall into bed.

The overwhelming sound of of non existant remedies

remedies to the problems of a story only half read.

The story of your life, 

the story of a life that was so full of hurt that even you stopped reading. 

The promise of a brighter life, 

of the only love that could start the healing. 

Fear of losing that love, 

of never having that love. 

of never being good enough.

wanting only you, my love. 

the thought of you,

when crawling into bed, causes yet another, 

tear stained memory

My mission statement

Each day I want to wake up, look in the mirror and be proud of what I see.
I want to make mistakes and grow from them.
Never will I give up on myself. 
I can achieve everything I want to achieve.
Even when things are hard I will find a reason to smile.  
There is nothing I can't accomplish 
I will forever take the road less traveled by, and always make a difference.

Can't Come Up With a Creative Title....

Since I haven't posted in quite some time, I figured I'm past due for a post. Today I'm going to talk about two things, cowards, and my inability to be in a relationship. 

I'll start off with talking about cowards. To start this discussion let me just say that Cory Oliver is my best friend, and if anyone hurts him (even if we are friends) you will burn a bridge with me. I chose him. Always. Alright back to the topic. I completely understand that life is hard, and sometimes it's not easy to be yourself. But you can only pretend for so long. I learned this lesson, yes I lost a lot of friends, but I am happy. I love who I am and I love my life. You can only be so happy not being you. So just man up and deal with it. (I mean that in the most loving way possible)

Second thing we're going to talk about here my inability to be in a relationship. I must have some sort of handicap or something. Seriously, I meet guys, we go out, I invite them to come out with me and friends, and next thing I know they're in a relationship with one of them. I'm just curious as to what is wrong with me. Why is it impossible for me to be in a "serious relationship"? Don't get me wrong, for the most part I'm pretty content being single, but I wouldn't mind being in a relationship. Mostly I think I just think I'm incapable of committing to someone, and  I do this to myself... hmm, well this has been a rather useless post. I hope everyone have a fantastic week =] 

Let's Go Back To The Start

Have you ever wished so badly to undo every mistake you'd ever made, go back in time and be 8 years old when everything was right with the world and have your biggest concern with life be whether you would ride your bike to your friends house, or walk.

I don't believe in regret, the choices we make shape who we become each day. But lately I'm realizing how much simpler life would be if I hadn't made some of those choices. There would be much less pain, anger, frustration, loss, disappointment, fear, and despair. I know at the time I made those choices it was exactly what i wanted, and I knew what I was setting myself up for. The pain still exists though.

I just want to be okay. I want to accept who I am now, and make the changes necessary for my future happiness. But, I am stuck in this rut, in these ways, doing the things that hurt me rather than finding things to lift me up and make me happy for longer than a day.

I've got a lot of skeletons in the closet and I'm really good at pretending they don't exist. I've also become a professional at not showing emotions, and making myself numb to the situations at hand. Every now and then all those emotions hit at once and I have one of those wonderful breakdowns. I forget I'm human sometimes.

I'm going to take a long hard look at my life, and start making some big changes. Clearly something has got to give. To everyone who reads this that I've ever disappointed I'm sorry.

I shot for the sky, I'm stuck on the ground

Tonight, while fighting with my insomnia, I discovered a song on pandora, which has summed up all my feelings as of late. It's called Down, by Jason Walker.


I don’t know where I’m at
I’m standing at the back
And I’m tired of waiting
Waiting here in line, hoping that I’ll find what I’ve been chasing.

I shot for the sky
I’m stuck on the ground
So why do I try, I know I’m gonna to fall down
I thought I could fly, so why did I drown?
Never know why it’s coming down, down, down.

Not ready to let go
Cause then I'd never know
What I could be missing
But I’m missing way too much
So when do I give up what I’ve been wishing for.

I shot for the sky
I’m stuck on the ground
So why do I try, I know I’m gonna to fall down
I thought I could fly, so why did I drown?
Never know why it’s coming down, down, down.
Oh I am going down, down, down
Can’t find another way around
And I don’t want to hear the sound, of losing what I never found.

I shot for the sky
I’m stuck on the ground
So why do I try, I know I’m gonna to fall down
I thought I could fly, so why did I drown?
I never know why it’s coming down, down, down.

I shot for the sky
I’m stuck on the ground
So why do I try, I know I’m gonna to fall down
I thought I could fly, so why did I drown?
Oh it’s coming down, down, down.



As of lately I've been questioning my value, and wondering if how I feel is how I really feel or if I just invent emotions to make myself feel better about certain situations. This song sums up a lot of those feelings, into a beautiful chorus, with haunting a hauntingly beautiful voice, and beautiful music. It brings tears to my eyes. The chorus is what really hits home. 
I shot for the sky
I’m stuck on the ground
So why do I try, I know I’m gonna to fall down
I thought I could fly, so why did I drown?
Never know why it’s coming down, down, down.
Oh I am going down, down, down
Can’t find another way around
And I don’t want to hear the sound, of losing what I never found.
There is this boy in my life. Of course a boy. Said boy is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. He makes me feel like to him I am the world, and the best thing to happen to him. When I feel like I am the worst. He's the perfect mormon boy, never does anything wrong, never questions things, does what he's supposed to. And those of you who know me, know that I'm not that girl. He makes me feel like I can be that girl, and that I can "fly, " but I feel like I'm stuck being who I am now and stuck on the "ground."


Not ready to let go
Cause then I'd never know
What I could be missing
But I’m missing way too much
So when do I give up what I’ve been wishing for.
I can't let go of the idea that I'm supposed to be with him. And that he's the one, but some days I feel like I've convinced myself of these feelings because I'm lonely, and can't seem to find anyone. I keep telling myself that the reason I'm still alone is because I'm supposed to be with him. What if I'm just wishing for something because I can't face not having anything. I don't want to let go of the best thing I could ever have, but what if I'm not the best thing for him....




I don’t know where I’m at
I’m standing at the back
And I’m tired of waiting
Waiting here in line, hoping that I’ll find what I’ve been chasing.

I don't know where I'm at. I don't know where I stand with my religion, my values, and really who I am as a person. I feel like I'm that kid that is sitting in the back of the class watching the rest of the class move ahead, learn, and grow. I'm tired of waiting for some sign, some revelation where I realize the path I should be following. Waiting to find out if all these feelings are in my head, and I'm chasing some imaginary dream that will never be, or if maybe just maybe I'm not completely insane. 


This blog is completely scatter brained. Okay, so most of my blogs are. These aren't written to be graded, I write to clear my head. Because this is the only real way I know how to express my emotions, feelings, all that crap. I'm not good with talking... and feeling... I feel like I need to write something meaningful and uplifting now.....






My thoughts on gay marriage-


Quite the change eh? I figured since I was on the topic of love. Why not? 


All you close minded friends of mine who may end up reading this and getting offended, I would say I'm sorry, but alas, I am not. These are my opinions, you're entitled to your own, mine have just come from years and years of experiences, encounters, and deep contemplation. 


Yes, my best friends are gay. Yes, I think they deserve the opportunity to marry the men they love. Yes, I am Mormon. 


sayers out there. Here are my reasons why I say YES, I'm not trying to persuade anyone. Just trying to educate. When we are born into this world, we are opinion-less, we know nothing, clean slate. Depending on the family you are born into you learn certain values, beliefs, religions, Mormon, Buddhist, Taoist, catholic, agnostic, atheist, you name it. You are pushed into these beliefs by the family , and most times friends around you who are typically the similar beliefs, as we grow and develop we can change those beliefs, tweak what we believe, and gain opinions of our own. We are given a choice. 


Now, born gay, turned gay, whatever you wanna say it is, either way. It is a lifestyle, just like religion, or lack thereof. It is a lifestyle that makes that person HAPPY. HAPPY. One more time, HAPPY. Are you honestly going to tell me, that someone can run away to Vegas get married on a whim, and they deserve that marriage over someone who has been with their partner for 5 years? Or that someone who was disowned by their family and is now laying in a hospital bed in critical condition and can't make medical decisions for them self can't have their partner make those crucial decisions for them? I'm sorry, I disagree with you. 


Love is love. And if a man loving a man, or woman loving a woman, makes that person happy, who am I to say they aren't allowed happiness? Do I think that churches should have ANY say  in the matter? no. They can delegate who can and can't be married within that religion, they do have those rights. States can marry said couples. It doesn't have to be a church.  I am much to exhausted to write more, this topic wears me right out. 


All my love.


"I would hold you for a million years, to make you feel my love"

The Vacation Comes to a Close

Once again I find myself in the Huston airport, this time waiting to go home. After one long fun week with Chels I am VERY ready to be home.

We spend most of the week fulfilling her nanny duties hanging with the kids, going to parks, and going shopping. Friday night we drove to Atlanta, GA, and stayed at a 4 star $400 dollar a night hotel. We got our room for $70. After staying at that wonderful hotel we had one jam packed Saturday! We left the hotel around 11 am, went to steak and shake for lunch (YUM), then headed to down town Atlanta. We then went to the Aquarium and the World of Coke factory. I may or may not have drank a portion of my weight in coke... Don't judge. The aquarium was absolutely incredible! So many fish! There is this tunnel you get to go through where these huge sharks, manta rays, and various other fish just swim all around you! It was incredible! The beluga whale exhibit was incredible as well. They are so oddly gorgeous!

The last thing we did on Saturday was attend the Atlanta temple open house. They have spent the past 2 years refurbishing the interior of the temple. It was absolutely stunning. The celestial room and the sealing room were my two favorites (probably because of the GORGEOUS chandeliers). It was a wonderful experience I am so glad that we decided that was what we were going to spend our saturday doing. After the temple we went to this BOMBIN rib shack called Fat Matt's. I may have died a little bit. The ribs were uh-mazing.

Well it is now time to board my plane. The words I leave you with today are from a song by adele, "sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead."