Confessions, while indulging in the awesome that is Dashboard Confessional

First of all, I am going to express how completely under appreciated Dashboard Confessional is. They are the equivalent of your favorite dessert (for me cheesecake with FRESH strawberries) on the worst of the worst days. Chris Carraba may be the most delicious, talented, and genuine man on this planet, and he gives FANTASTIC hugs. Just saying. I would even dare to say that they are my favorite band ever. The end. 


Now in the spirit of the name this blog is going to be some confessions. Nothing to juicy so don't get too excited. 


I don't like chocolate. Yes friends, there is a girl on this planet who by choice doesn't like chocolate. Don't get me wrong. I enjoy it once in a while. BUT, I have to CRAVE it. Which only happens every once in a blue moon. I'm more of a Sour Patch Watermelon kind of girl. Mark those words boys, that is my kryptonite. 


I love my puppy. Alright, that's no secret. But most of you don't know why. I get these feelings every now and then that I don't have much of a purpose, and that I go unnoticed. Well ya see this darling little thing I named Lucy, brings me so much happiness. I have something to take care of each day, and I know when I come home there is going to be a cute little face with big brown eyes, tail wagging, waiting for me to walk through the door. 


I hate people. Genuinely. Shocker right? All I have ever been told is what a people person I am, and how well I get along with other people. If only you could hear my thoughts. It takes a lot for me to like you as a person. So if I say your my friend, you better believe it. 


Sometimes I yell for no reason. 


I look forward to Glee each Tuesday.


The only thing I've ever been really good at doesn't make me happy anymore. But I can't give it up, because I don't know how to live without it. Even if it makes me angry, causes me pain, and just brings unneeded pressures to my life. 


I look a lot stronger than I am. I also act a lot stronger than I am. 


Tyler Dicou, and Chelsey Christensen deserve a parade for putting up with me, and being my two best friends. They are amazing, and I don't deserve them. 


Music is my drug. Seriously.


Coloring books may be the most calming activity I do. 


I'm TERRIFIED of heights. 


I always assume people are talking behind my back.


I have trust issues.


If I got to choose, I'd marry him. 


I'm a very selfish person. I try REALLY hard not to be.... but I am.


I'd choose a nice long cuddle over a kiss. 


I miss watching chick flicks, giving pedicures, facials, getting del taco, and eating pickles and potato chips with my best friend. I hate NC for stealing her... 


I hate selling stuff, too bad that's my job....


Hopes that someday I get paid lots of money to sit around and write like this. 


I'm also terrified that no one will ever like my writing and I'll fail. 


 He was right, I should have figured out how to live without him before he left. A good friend will hold your hand as you walk across hot coals, but a best friend will pick you up and carry you across them. He's my best friend. 


Alas, I am exhausted. And I get sick of writing about myself. So this is all for tonight. Instead of a quote, we'll go with lyrics tonight. Enjoy. <3










Bell of the Boulevard- Dashboard Confessional
Down in a local bar 
Out on the Boulevard 
The sound of an old guitar 
Is saving you from sinking 
It's a long way down, It's a long way 

Back like you never broke 
You tell a dirty joke 
He touches your leg 
And thinks He's getting close 
For now you let him 
Just this once 
Just for now 
And just like that 
It's over. 

[Chorus] 
Don't turn away 
Dry your eyes, dry your eyes 
Don't be afraid 
But keep it all inside, all inside 
When you fall apart 
Dry your eyes, dry your eyes 
Life is always hard 
For the Belle of the Boulevard 

In all your silver rings 
In all your silken things 
That song you softly sing 
Is keeping you from breaking 
It's a long way down, it's a long way 

Back here you never lost 
You shake the shivers off 
You take a drink 
To get your courage up 
Can you believe it? 

Just this once 
Just for now 
And just like that 
It's over 

[Chorus] 
Don't turn away 
Dry your eyes, dry your eyes 
Don't be afraid 
But keep it all inside, all inside 
When you fall apart 
Dry your eyes, dry your eyes 
Life is always hard 
For the Belle of the Boulevard 

Please hold on, it's alright 
Please hold on, it's alright 
Please hold on 

Down in a local bar 
Out on the boulevard 
The sound of an old guitar 
Is saving you 

[Chorus] 
Don't turn away 
Dry your eyes, dry you eyes 
Don't be afraid 
Keep it all inside, all inside 
When you fall apart 
Dry your eyes, dry your eyes 
Life is always hard 
For the Belle of the Boulevard

The thoughts of 11:40 blues

In case you don't know a quick background story on why I am awake at such awful hours when I have to be awake in 6 hours.... I have been doing colorguard since I was in 8th grade. If you do the math I am going into my 8th winter season. Needless to say after all the high school guard, drum corps, and independent guard, my body has taken a beating. My hips and knees are on the verge of being destroyed at the age on 19. Go me. Today I went to the doctor once again and the current verdict is arthritis in my knees, and possible cartilage tear in my hips. So to attempt to relieve the pain, and find out if it is a cartilage tear or just muscle problems, I got a cortisone shot. I think I am now in more pain than I was before. He poked my leg and hip till he found the most tender spot then proceeded to stick a 4" needle in, inject, move the needle around, inject some more, repeated till all the cortisone was in. Ouch.

Here I am, hardly able to walk, can't lay on my left side, really unable to put any weight on my left side, wondering if this miracle shot is really worth all this pain. Oh, and did I mention that this is only shot 1 out of two? I still have the right side to be done. Fail? I think yes. All the pain, and the un-ability to fall asleep has led to me remaking a blog, making one post, and now going on to this which will be post number 2.

Rant of the evening (besides of course my pain), Love. Buckle yourselves in on this one people, a girl writing a blog about love. Ground breaking material right? Now before you close the screen thinking this is going to be your typical sob story don't. It's not. No girl meets boy, girl falls for boy, girl gets heart broken bs. This is some deep stuff, straight from the unspoken mind of Kerisa.  Not because of some sad break up story, not because of some dramatic, traumatic experience. I can honestly say that I love my friends and family. But love on a romantic level? What is it? It's a combination of compassion, lust, passion, desire, and friendship. So what exactly is love? And why do I doubt that it is as big of a deal as the world makes it out to be?

"LOVE"- Some 4 letter word, someone made up to try and explain an emotion. Something we feel, something that varies from person to person. One person, one word, four letters to sum up how BILLIONS of people feel. Who can say we all feel the same. "Love" for me has two definitions. The love you feel for friends and family- which is simply compassion, understanding, and this emotional bond that ties you together. You understand each other, and would lay your life down to protect theirs. "Love" on a relationship level- I believe involves these components, compassion, understanding, the emotional bond that ties you together on a friendship level, as well as passion, attraction, and lust. Oh no, heaven forbid. Lust. We are humans, and the initial attraction, noticing the person, the force that drives to talk to that special someone is based on physical appearance, and the immediate physical lust or attraction. You don't look at someone and see their HUGE personality, or their well groomed mind. You see the physical exterior. If you are one of the people who claims they base nothing off appearance. I hate to say it, but bull shit. You are human like the rest of us. You have a sex drive, you lust, you have needs just like the rest of us. It's okay. No one is mad at you for it. Granted later in the relationship their personality may be what makes you more attracted to them or less attracted depending on the negative or positive effects the personality can have on the person.

So why do make such a huge deal out of such a small word? We have a holiday dedicated to it, people spend millions of dollars on wedding to show the world how much they love each other, guys spend thousands of dollars on rings, girls spend thousands on dresses, and we make a big deal out of two people simply, committing to each other. Don't get me wrong, I'm not anti marriage, or anti love. I just think it has become just as corperate as Christmas, and Easter. Something starts out pure and innocent, and oh wait, god bless america, we find a way to exploit it and make as much money as possible. If I met a guy, fall in "love", decide to get married, it will be my closest friends, his closest friends, and our families. All I want it to be is a simple gathering so people can come and tell us they love us and all that cute, happy, crying that comes with it. I don't want to go into debt buying a dress, and planning a wedding.... Well, as you can tell it's late at night and my thoughts are getting a bit scattered and unfocused and it is now 12:15. I promise this topic will be revisited though. Post your questions. I'd love some feedback. Goodnight all.

"To be in a shadow, is only proof that there is still sunlight"-Anon
(I've decided each post will be ended with a quote)

Alas... I am blogging....

I have recently decided to switch my major to journalism. Writing has always been a passion of mine, and I've always been told that I am quite good at it. So I figure I have the best combination right? Makes me happy + Good at it = a future career that wont lead to suicide. Go me!

With this decision I have realized that my lack of writing is ridiculous as of late. I write a couple missionaries, and write papers for class. Which as you can see is not enough writing for someone who wants to spend their life doing it. What better way to rant about my thoughts, beliefs, frustrations, turning points, and life altering experiences than on a blog that I have no idea if anyone but my wonderful parents will read. I only know they'll read because if you know my parents, they have been involved in ever aspect of my life, which in high school was SO annoying, but now that I am older, more mature ;) can appreciate all the things they have done for me. I mean really, who will work on a semi truck, preparing food for 200 people, just to spend time, and watch their daughter? Yes, that would be my mom. Who would yell I love you princess, in Lucas Oil Stadium, in front of thousands of people, my daddy. I don't think I could have EVER asked for better parents. Go god. You did good.

Anyway, I will try and do a weekly update. Most weeks I'm sure I'll write more than once, that's just what I do. Feel free to stop in. See what's on my mind and see if any of my ranting will in turn help you with something in your life.

I feel as if I should end this with some cheesy line... like... "Stay classy [Salt Lake City]"

If you know what movie I am stealing that from. You rock. End of story.