I shot for the sky, I'm stuck on the ground

Tonight, while fighting with my insomnia, I discovered a song on pandora, which has summed up all my feelings as of late. It's called Down, by Jason Walker.


I don’t know where I’m at
I’m standing at the back
And I’m tired of waiting
Waiting here in line, hoping that I’ll find what I’ve been chasing.

I shot for the sky
I’m stuck on the ground
So why do I try, I know I’m gonna to fall down
I thought I could fly, so why did I drown?
Never know why it’s coming down, down, down.

Not ready to let go
Cause then I'd never know
What I could be missing
But I’m missing way too much
So when do I give up what I’ve been wishing for.

I shot for the sky
I’m stuck on the ground
So why do I try, I know I’m gonna to fall down
I thought I could fly, so why did I drown?
Never know why it’s coming down, down, down.
Oh I am going down, down, down
Can’t find another way around
And I don’t want to hear the sound, of losing what I never found.

I shot for the sky
I’m stuck on the ground
So why do I try, I know I’m gonna to fall down
I thought I could fly, so why did I drown?
I never know why it’s coming down, down, down.

I shot for the sky
I’m stuck on the ground
So why do I try, I know I’m gonna to fall down
I thought I could fly, so why did I drown?
Oh it’s coming down, down, down.



As of lately I've been questioning my value, and wondering if how I feel is how I really feel or if I just invent emotions to make myself feel better about certain situations. This song sums up a lot of those feelings, into a beautiful chorus, with haunting a hauntingly beautiful voice, and beautiful music. It brings tears to my eyes. The chorus is what really hits home. 
I shot for the sky
I’m stuck on the ground
So why do I try, I know I’m gonna to fall down
I thought I could fly, so why did I drown?
Never know why it’s coming down, down, down.
Oh I am going down, down, down
Can’t find another way around
And I don’t want to hear the sound, of losing what I never found.
There is this boy in my life. Of course a boy. Said boy is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. He makes me feel like to him I am the world, and the best thing to happen to him. When I feel like I am the worst. He's the perfect mormon boy, never does anything wrong, never questions things, does what he's supposed to. And those of you who know me, know that I'm not that girl. He makes me feel like I can be that girl, and that I can "fly, " but I feel like I'm stuck being who I am now and stuck on the "ground."


Not ready to let go
Cause then I'd never know
What I could be missing
But I’m missing way too much
So when do I give up what I’ve been wishing for.
I can't let go of the idea that I'm supposed to be with him. And that he's the one, but some days I feel like I've convinced myself of these feelings because I'm lonely, and can't seem to find anyone. I keep telling myself that the reason I'm still alone is because I'm supposed to be with him. What if I'm just wishing for something because I can't face not having anything. I don't want to let go of the best thing I could ever have, but what if I'm not the best thing for him....




I don’t know where I’m at
I’m standing at the back
And I’m tired of waiting
Waiting here in line, hoping that I’ll find what I’ve been chasing.

I don't know where I'm at. I don't know where I stand with my religion, my values, and really who I am as a person. I feel like I'm that kid that is sitting in the back of the class watching the rest of the class move ahead, learn, and grow. I'm tired of waiting for some sign, some revelation where I realize the path I should be following. Waiting to find out if all these feelings are in my head, and I'm chasing some imaginary dream that will never be, or if maybe just maybe I'm not completely insane. 


This blog is completely scatter brained. Okay, so most of my blogs are. These aren't written to be graded, I write to clear my head. Because this is the only real way I know how to express my emotions, feelings, all that crap. I'm not good with talking... and feeling... I feel like I need to write something meaningful and uplifting now.....






My thoughts on gay marriage-


Quite the change eh? I figured since I was on the topic of love. Why not? 


All you close minded friends of mine who may end up reading this and getting offended, I would say I'm sorry, but alas, I am not. These are my opinions, you're entitled to your own, mine have just come from years and years of experiences, encounters, and deep contemplation. 


Yes, my best friends are gay. Yes, I think they deserve the opportunity to marry the men they love. Yes, I am Mormon. 


sayers out there. Here are my reasons why I say YES, I'm not trying to persuade anyone. Just trying to educate. When we are born into this world, we are opinion-less, we know nothing, clean slate. Depending on the family you are born into you learn certain values, beliefs, religions, Mormon, Buddhist, Taoist, catholic, agnostic, atheist, you name it. You are pushed into these beliefs by the family , and most times friends around you who are typically the similar beliefs, as we grow and develop we can change those beliefs, tweak what we believe, and gain opinions of our own. We are given a choice. 


Now, born gay, turned gay, whatever you wanna say it is, either way. It is a lifestyle, just like religion, or lack thereof. It is a lifestyle that makes that person HAPPY. HAPPY. One more time, HAPPY. Are you honestly going to tell me, that someone can run away to Vegas get married on a whim, and they deserve that marriage over someone who has been with their partner for 5 years? Or that someone who was disowned by their family and is now laying in a hospital bed in critical condition and can't make medical decisions for them self can't have their partner make those crucial decisions for them? I'm sorry, I disagree with you. 


Love is love. And if a man loving a man, or woman loving a woman, makes that person happy, who am I to say they aren't allowed happiness? Do I think that churches should have ANY say  in the matter? no. They can delegate who can and can't be married within that religion, they do have those rights. States can marry said couples. It doesn't have to be a church.  I am much to exhausted to write more, this topic wears me right out. 


All my love.


"I would hold you for a million years, to make you feel my love"